


dear diary

by freshtrash



Category: Original Work
Genre: (kind of), Gen, Mental Breakdown, Swearing, a tad bit of self harm but its not graphic at all, everything you expect from dio honestly, found family woo, thats all - Freeform, this is just pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:14:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28217550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/freshtrash/pseuds/freshtrash
Summary: dio closed his eyes.***and felt them open again.waitwhat?this is a gift for my spouse of 400 years, my pardner, my star, fluff, aka the love of my life. just an original. kissy.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 1





	dear diary

**Author's Note:**

  * For [strawbebbyrain](https://archiveofourown.org/users/strawbebbyrain/gifts).



> helloooooo HDHSHDHS  
> *slaps dio like a car* look at how much trauma this specimen can have  
> this has so much Italics I swear to god

_every little moment spells regret_

he took a step back. and another one. another one. and stumbled, turning around.  
he couldn't handle this anymore.  
the pain tore out his bones and crushed them, running through his veins. he coughed agony and bled regret.  
and he needed it to stop.  
he felt his mind start to crack, piece by piece, minute after minute, second after second. his thoughts mixed and created a horrifying monstrosity, destroying him inside out.  
he was a monster anyway.  
his vision swirled. his head was on the verge of exploding.  
his scythe's handle was covered in scratches. his lab was covered in scratches. he was covered in scratches.  
it was just too much.  
the pieces of his heart pierced his lungs, making him clench his jaw until it crunched.  
and he knew the only way out.

as he ran inside, he took one last look around, mouthing "I'm sorry" and shutting the door tight.

it's all gonna be over soon.

dio closed his eyes.

***

and felt them open again.

wait  
what?

losing control, dio stumbled forwards. he managed not to fall face first onto the ground, regaining consciousness.

and then he saw her.

he sucked in a breath, feeling that old familiar pain lance through him.  
no. _no._

dio distantly felt his face twist into a grin as he fought the urge to fall onto his knees and tear out his fucking heart. stop. stop. stop.

he sees them all. he sees the people he tortured and it's too fucking much. so he just keeps smirking, praying this will stop. go away. leave him alone. _let him die._

kyle just beams in return.

oh, this is so painful he might just laugh.

she's saying something, but dio doesn't hear anything except deafening static and his own screaming thoughts. make it stop.  
make it fucking stop.  
the same shards of his heart that pierced his lungs rotted inside long ago, making him want to throw up with this goddamn ache. this burning, unbearable ache.  
and he just might.  
his head is in pieces. he himself is in pieces. 

he doesn't feel the tug on his sleeve.  
he doesn't feel himself speak.  
he doesn't feel his boots click against the floor.

dio looks around and sees nothing.  
only shattered glass, shattered hopes. the shards he feels like he had swallowed only twist into his stomach with each step be takes.  
he blinks and finds himself in some kind of house. dio's gripping on a blanket, shaking his head to ground himself even a little.

the lights are turning off. there's a pat on his shoulder and kyle's cheery voice. this is all going too fast.  
dio realizes he's on the couch and sinks into it, exhaling a huff. he's so tired. so, so tired.  
so he lets his body take control, passing out immediately.

he'll try to understand what the hell is going on tomorrow.

***

but of course it isn't this easy for him. when was it ever easy.  
he wakes up 5 minutes later, shaking.  
cold.  
he needs cold.  
he needs that goddamn numbness with a desperation. when he's awake it hurts.  
when he's not, he sees horrible things.  
and he wakes up to feel even worse.

dio stands up, grabbing the pillow and finding a window. he opens it and feels the breeze flow against the floor.

cold.

so he lies down, shivering. the floor is hard and his bones will probably ache in the morning. dio doesn't care.  
not like they already don't.  
quite the opposite.  
it hurts to the point of blood dripping from his mouth. he coughs up all his broken hopes, wincing. this isn't fair.  
he thunks his head against the floor to get rid of the agonizing pressure in his head. cold cold cold.

and he lies there, hugging his pillow like a lost child, forcing himself to breathe. he shrinks more and more, bringing his knees closer to himself. cold. cold.

dio's eyes close yet again as he feels himself shudder. his labcoat is in his hands as he rubs it until he falls asleep.

he's so lost.  
he really is.  
his compass is stomped to pieces. and there's no one to help him.  
he's alone.

as always.

***

"why?"

dio is standing in the living room, leaning against the wall. kyle is staring at him, brows knitting and raising. dio purses his lips. great.  
now she thinks he's pathetic too.  
maybe she always did.

"what?"

claws dig into his skin tighter.

"why did you bring me back."

and he's absolutely terrified. and empty.  
he feels too much and he feels nothing at all.  
he bites his lip, drawing blood.

"well?"

kyle opens her mouth and closes it. she thinks for a second.

"you deserve a chance."

and she smiles at him.  
she's so _perfect._

dio's insides set aflame as he grits his teeth. she's so fucking perfect. of course. something he could never be. so condescending, like he's a broken toy. and he might as well be.

dio starts shaking, hands balling into fists.  
he doesn't _deserve_ shit. what's the catch here. he's no one to her. so why is she looking at him like she cares? like she truly cares?

"a chance at what?"

he spits out the words, built up venom finally coming out. kyle's smile drops.

"a chance at destroying the world again?" dio pulls away from the wall, eyes narrowing. "a chance at failing? just like I always do?"

"no, no, listen-"

"or am I just your little shiny prize you get to show off?" he can barely speak. he feels fire only burn brighter with every word. "look, guys, I've befriended the bad guy!"

kyle stands up and reaches her hand out to dio. but he just backs away, growling like a dog, which never knew any affection. only a boot thrown at it and a kick to the stomach.

"well, sorry to disappoint. we're not friends. and never will be."

dio doesn't look back as he walks out of the room. it's better this way. push everyone away. he can't be hurt if he's alone.

right?

***

days sped by like seconds. dio didn't care.  
he never had breakfast, he never had lunch. he didn't sleep at all or slept for days.  
he got on everyone's nerves, hoping one day they will have enough. and they will kill him.  
what else could he look forward to?  
the crushing pain? the pressure in his head that made his jaw clench?  
it didn't matter. nothing mattered anymore.  
the only thing that mattered was getting back to the ice chamber. he tried to sneak past kyle and others, but never succeeded.  
he wants out. please, let him out.

that is  
until he heard someone shrieking and the loud thump noise outside.

dio didn't really care. sure, it made him flinch, but he went back to zoning out on the couch.  
no thoughts  
no pain.  
at least he hoped so.

when he heard a knock on the door and kyle rushing to open, he didn't bat an eye.  
when he heard 2 new voices and laughter, it all sounded too muffled. everything did.  
dio was used to it.

what he was not used to, though, was the slight twitch of warmth, hearing them talk. whenever they showed up he felt like he belonged. he felt.  
home.

dio decided not to think about that.

***

_but I don't have to feel this way_

whenever ether and blair would show up, dio would drop whatever he was doing and come to the living room. he didn't talk, only listened, trying to figure out what was that goddamn warmth.  
he would wake up, feeling something other than dull pain. he would do something besides staring at the ceiling.  
he. he started feeling alive again.

but with that breath of air, he also inhaled poison gas. now that he could feel fine, the pain stood out more and more.

and now, he was lying on the cold floor under the window. just like always. but he couldn't sleep.  
dio's fists shook as he thunked his head against the floor, clawing the pillow. he gritted his teeth as he squirmed around.  
bad thoughts bad thoughts bad thoughts bad bad bad-  
warm.

dio's eyes shot open as he realized that he didn't _want_ the cold anymore. no. no. cold, numb, end. good.  
_but he didn't want it to end._  
he jumped up, slapping a hand over his mouth. this wasn't right. he's not supposed to- he's not-  
his blood turned to ice. familiar feeling. oh god, what was wrong with him-  
his gaze stopped on the couch again, heart beating a little bit too hard. the pain and fear lanced through him again, claws scratching his face. go back to cold. go back to numb. it's all he knows.

so he slowly lies back down, shivering. yeah. yeah. this is good. this is familiar.  
he doesn't need warmth. he's fine being alone.

he's fine.

***

so dio stopped breathing. stopped seeing them. stopped chasing that warmth, even if he felt like the cold was destroying him inch by inch.  
he was already a wreck.  
a broken machine.

but he wasn't frozen. quite the opposite.  
his heart burned with agony, pumping crimson blood. every breath felt like a knife twisting in his chest. he left at night, looking for something to trash. from the warm high he has been on, he crashed right into boiling scalding pain. and he demolished, smashed and shattered, teared apart everything he could.

that's all he ever does.  
that's all he can do.  
destroy.

his scythe shined in the moonlight as he sliced another bench in half.  
the angel of death.

the burning throbbing in his heart only rose higher with every slash, every trembling breath. dio wished he would just shut down already. why couldn't she just let him be frozen. why couldn't she just let him be senseless.  
he fell to his knees, throat burning as he choked on tears. it was too much. his mouth opened in a silent scream, blood and tears mixing in one.

"quinn?"

dio froze, eyes shooting open. he spun around.  
_oh god._  
his stomach dropped.  
his father was looming over him, his shadow covering everything around him.  
dio couldn't breathe, panic rising quickly. the ground swayed beneath him.  
he distantly saw a hand reaching out.  
oh god, oh god, he's gonna grab him, he's gonna take him, torture, torment, _bad-_  
dio scrambled backwards, growling. but he knew his father saw that he was terrified. he always saw. he always pushed further.  
but he couldn't control his hitching breathing. too much weakness. run. hide. get away.  
he felt the hands dart towards him and he was done, he was done for, pain pain pa-

"dio!"

his brain stopped.  
his father never called him that. his father's hands were never this soft.  
he snapped his gaze to the shadow.

"eth- ether?"

dio could finally make out some details, still trembling. ether was sitting next to him, gripping his shoulders. he looked absolutely horrified.

dio fucked up again, hasn't he.

and the pain roared back to life, mixing with the paralyzing fear. and he couldn't do it anymore.  
his claws snapped to his face as tears began streaming down his cheeks. he was so fucking weak. ether would laugh at him, would yell, would leave him.  
he deserves it.  
come on. do it. go. leave. make it hurt.  
finish him once and for all.  
_please._

but instead he felt himself being pulled in. dio gasped as his instincts screamed at him to run.  
he darted his eyes around, trying to understand what was happening. ether only squeezed tighter.

"you scared me so much"

was ether  
hugging him?  
the cogs in his brain turned. and clicked. _ether was hugging him._ dio's quick panicked breaths gave way to strangled wails. he could barely breathe, digging his claws into ether like he was his only anchor. all the pain rotten inside his bones rushed to his throat, making him choke.

"I'm here, I'm here, it's okay"

his head swims.

"dio, listen to me. breathe, okay? do it like me"

he tries, he swears he tries. but it's all too much.

"hey, hey, listen, you're doing great"

he grips ether harder, pathetic sobs spilling out of his mouth. he can't even fucking breathe right. what a _failure._

"dio, in and out. in and out"

in and out. he sucks in a breath, sniffling. it burns. but ether's voice is enveloping him like a soft blanket. fire begins to die down.

"there we go, you're doing amazing"

his strangled sobs melt into sniffling coughs, fingers unclenching. he's so tired.

"good, just like that"

his eyes close, hitched breaths calming down. his head hurts, jaw hurts, everything hurts. it's a dull ache, but it doesn't feel destructive. it feels good. cathartic.  
and ether is so soft. he's warm. so warm. and dio sinks into it, finally letting it in. it's cold outside. dio feels the wind ruffle his hair.  
but it's warm in ether's arms. and he feels safe. 

he feels warm.

***

"are you alright?"

dio never wanted to let go.

"I'm fine."

he's not.  
and his mind is screaming to tell ether.

why?  
he barely knows him. but it feels so safe.  
if he lets go, the cold will get to him once again.  
he doesn't want to be cold anymore.

"are you sure?"

no. please stay, please help, please _save him._

"yes."

ether's arms unwrapping dragged the warmth away with the touch. dio didn't move. even if it hurts like hell. who cares.

he saw a hand streched out in front of him. he sat there, on the cold ground, shivering, and stared at it. his eyes snapped to ether's face. he was smiling softly, eyes crinkling in the corners. ether was the definition of safety. of comfort.

"you deserve happiness too, you know"

does he really. dio was just a swarm of pain and loneliness, cracks decorating his body like a vase. everywhere he goes, black poison seeps into the floor, leaking through his eyes, dripping onto his scythe. his his his. everything his is coated in black ink.  
even now, if you would look closer, ether's arms were stained with that pulsating pain.  
what does he even see in him. why does he care.

but dio can't help but lean towards the warmth ether is so full of. that taste of something other than deadly poison felt addictive. dio doesn't like looking at himself. but if he would, he'd see that his arms are covered in healing water.  
ether was like a beacon, like a lighthouse in the night. and dio is so seasick.

he wants to sink into that tender warmth, drown in it forever. 

and dio is too tired to fight it anymore.

he looks at the hand just for a moment more.  
and takes it.

***

he sleeps on the couch that night.

***

dio sips his hot coffee, listening to blair ramble about everything and anything. dio hides in the space between bookshelves as ether distracts the librarian long enough for him to escape.  
dio steps inside the mansion, placing his labcoat on the hanger. he doesn't need it here.  
it feels like comfort anyway.  
he sits in the kitchen, trying to breathe while ether crushes his bones in a tight hug. he eats quietly, watching ether ruffle blair's hair and laugh. he smiles.

the bed creaks under him. he sits and blinks and breathes and feels. 

and he realizes it's home.

the pain still eats at him, but it doesn't swallow him whole. the uncaring cold tempts him sometimes, but he doesn't want to go back. 

he comes back to the mansion tired, limbs on fire and glasses askew. but it's home.

but he has something, someone to keep going for. he has _hope._ that little, flickering light inside a dark room. and it warms him.

his home is warm.

and he finally feels warm as well.

_the boy who slept a hundred years has something after all._


End file.
